Addison Peacock @Addison_Peacock Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Hello today a woman got huffy with me because she didn’t know sabertooth cats were extinct and expected the museum to have a live one on display

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

It sucks getting older and realizing I was actually cute in high school but I thought I was ugly because I wasn’t a hot 25 year old like on buffy

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

2 years

The sluttiest thing a man can do is roll up the sleeves of his little button down shirt and show off those forearms

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

A woman was just walking by my building cradling this adorable Yorkie in her arms, and the dog was passed tf out. She saw me smiling at the dog and she said “this is how we walk! I walk, he sleeps!” In a beautiful French accent and now I feel like I’m a side character in Amelie

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

11 months

Girls don’t want boys, girls want the pumpkin shaped La creuset cast iron cocotte

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

my inner monologue as soon as Autumn hits

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

Men only want ONE THING and it's to have a portrait hidden in their attic that becomes ugly and twisted while they remain young and beautiful forever

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

I do not want to RISE and GRIND I want to LOUNGE and BE ADORED

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Listen my tastes are very simple. I like women who look like they could beat me up or eviscerate me with their razor-sharp wit. And I like men who look like they would emerge from the forest in a leaf crown and ask me to answer their riddles three

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

The CDC says it's actually fine to enter the faery realm and eat and drink of their foods and wines and it'll be totally fine don't worry about it

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

Thinking about the time my friend told me “Caillou got canceled today.” and I said “oh my god what did he do?” Like maybe the Internet decided to end the career of a fictional four year old child

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Girls don’t want boys girls want Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

A guy on a scooter catcalled me outside my apartment so I just yelled back “You’re on a scooter!” Because that was the most devastating retort I could come up with

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I work at a museum and if I’ve learned anything so far it’s that 1. children love bones 2. Adults hate it when you tell them they can’t park somewhere

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

7 months

Wyll describing Karlach: she is a fearsome hell beast sated only by blood, leaving a trail of death and destruction in her wake Karlach when you meet her: *crushes a beer can against her head* Why is it called an oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Oh NO, you're sending me to horny jail? A bunch of muscular guards are gonna cuff me and put me in a cage for being horny??? Oh Nooooo, Don't do THAT I'd just haaate it

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

There are three kinds of pajamas: the ones you actually sleep in, the ones you wear only when you’re trying to be sexy, and the ones you wear to the grocery store

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I kind of want to fall in love but I also REALLY don’t want anyone to talk to me or look at me or know me so you can see how this is difficult

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Chris Evans being a snarky asshole with a shit-eating grin in a thick sweater? I’ll pour that shit on my pancakes. I’ll stir it into my coffee. I’ll make a face mask out of it and wear it to bed

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

The prophets tried to warn us. But we did not listen.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

7 years

As we approach a return to Pumpkin Spice season, a Seasonal reminder: making fun of people who like pumpkin spice doesn't make you cool

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

@neonfiona “Food is just another attachment” holy shit NO?

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I like Timothee Chalamet and he’s a wonderful actor but also there are at least three of him in any juice bar in north Hollywood

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

6 years

I just want to live in Stardew Valley where I only have to think about tending my crops and foraging for fresh berries and dating is as easy as bringing my intended a pomegranate every day for a few months until they love me

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

7 years

@kateleth Me in 2009: I know like two gay people Me in 2017: I haven't looked at a straight person in weeks

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

@neonfiona Wow, can’t believe our society has normalized eating, drinking, and sleeping

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Having anxiety is just texting “are you mad at me” to everyone you love over and over until you die

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

If you’re still making jokes about the Twilight vampires sparkling, you’re a hack. First of all, it’s not 2009 anymore. Second of all, those of us who went through a Twilight phase can tell you that’s not even CLOSE to the weirdest thing in that cursed franchise

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Can’t believe I’ve been a receptionist for a whole day and I haven’t been spanked by James Spader even once

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

What if I became an influencer but instead of being a wellness influencer I went the opposite way and became a hedonism influencer. Just pictures of me in a bathtub of champagne with a fistful of nachos in one hand and a joint in the other

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Could a depressed person do THIS? *does the first step of my skincare routine then sits on the edge of my bed in silence for 25 minutes, staring at the wall*

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

The persistent urge to hold a cat up to a mirror and go "that's you!!!"

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I have never made more dudes on this website mad than the time I drank a bunch of rosé and tweeted that Clueless is better than Pulp Fiction

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

The only skill I've honed in the past year is Yearning

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

2 years

I hate how diet culture convinced me for years that salads were supposed to taste like a punishment instead of just a delicious hot weather dinner you can cover in everything you like. salads fuck, actually

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

I am WAY too sensitive to be on the internet and yet here I am!!!!! Wandering around bumping into shit and getting upset about it like a cat with a surgical cone on

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

I don’t know much, but I know in my heart of hearts that Zeus would call his dick his “lightning rod”

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I TOLD A MAN I’M A VIRGO (he asked) AND HE UNMATCHED ME. LA what are you doing

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

What's my secret? Any time I buy a new skincare product I grab it tight, hold it close, and whisper "make me beautiful, you son of a bitch"

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Why yes I did once write a research paper in college titled “A Rose Bi Any Other Name: The Sexuality of Shakespeare”

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

What are your go-to’s when you’re really nauseous but need to eat food at some point? My stomach today.....is bad

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

You know how there are so many dudes in comedy whose whole thing is "I'm an asshole! It's just how I am!" I've decided that's gonna be me except it'll be about how I'm annoying and I know I am and I refuse to stop being annoying

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

A one-woman show where I just reenact every single reading Mariska Hargitay has done of the line “honey, that’s not love” on SVU

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

ur mcm chose the JojaMart route

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

You know what would be a great prank, dude? What would absolutely own me? Just the gnarliest April Fool’s prank ever? If you venmo’d me 20 dollars

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

She’s here 😭

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Of course now I’m in my 20s and still don’t look like that but

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

I PASSED MY THESIS DEFENSE!!!! I'M GETTING MY MFA!!!!!!!!! YEAH I'M CRYING DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Fuck bumble, fuck tinder, FUCK hinge. This is the only way I’m gonna find love from here on out

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I need more coffee shops that stay open late. None of this closing at 3 or 5 PM nonsense, I work goblin hours and I woke up at 2 give me a coffee shop for my goblin hours

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Stop rebooting trashy vampire franchises!!! Make NEW trashy vampire franchises!!!!!!!! I have an insatiable hunger for trashy vampire media much like the vampire's insatiable thirst for blood and looking brooding yet sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

Solidarity with all my fellow OCD-having folks who are fixating HARD on the news right now. Especially if your obsessive thoughts tend to focus on disease. It's really tough to know how worried to be right now when your base level amount of worried is already so high. Much love.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

can I sneak La Croix into the movies

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

thinking about this guy from college who rubbed my inner thigh for 30 seconds then asked me if I’d had an orgasm, and when I said no he got mad and then later he told me I needed to read Infinite Jest so I could experience real literature. I wonder if he’s doing well. I hope not.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

At medieval times I do not cheer for my assigned knight I cheer for the knight that gives off the most raw sexual energy

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

@danadonly I can’t stop, man. I just can’t stop.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 months

it's working

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@jackiexshipman

5 months

sitting like she wants to attract women

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

And non-binary people who look like they’re responsible for the curated indie films shelf at blockbuster video

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Trying to choose not to dwell on petty negativity anymore today. Instead trying to embody the energy of the little girl who came into my work wearing a plushie snake around her neck, pink cat ears, pink leggings, a tie-dye shirt, and pink crocs. What a tiny icon

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Do I cuff my jeans because I have short legs, or because I'm bisexual? You FOOL. The answer is BOTH.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I'm making a playlist, what's the sexiest song you can think of? Not necessarily outright dirtiest, just the sexiest energy

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Oh dear I sure forgot how thirsty I am for Ben Wyatt

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

hey PSA: being vaccinated does NOT mean you can invite all of your friends for a drunken drive through the hills, during which you hit a stranger with your car, toss his body into the ocean, and swear to collectively take that secret to your graves

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

I love to see so much love for soup on my timeline these days. It's always soup loving hours in my heart. A little nip in the air? Soup time, baby, time to hold a warm bowl in my cold little hands and feel ALIVE AGAIN

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

If no man of woman born could kill Macbeth could Stuart Little kill him? Because he’s not a man in appearance but he was born of a human woman so could he kill Macbeth or not??????? I can’t sleep

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Why no I haven’t stopped crying

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Heard crystal yelling, naively assumed something was wrong. I was a fool, an utter fool. It was of course simply time for the Morning Bathtub Scream

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

I go on Chopped and when I get my first basket of ingredients I just eat each item whole, one by one as the judges look on in horror. Thanks for the free lunch, suckers

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Every time I tweet I feel like a cat slowly pushing a glass to the end of the table. Pausing every few seconds to see if anyone’s going to actually stop me before it tips over the edge. They never do.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I love Halloween time but I feel like every single year no matter what I feel like I haven’t done ENOUGH Halloween stuff

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Hey I got my official start date today and my welcome aboard email so I just wanted to say that I’m gonna be a development intern at Blumhouse for the spring semester starting in January and I’m really excited ok bye

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Ladies, in 2019 we’re not settling for “u up?” It’s “Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?” Or NOTHING

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I know we all love cynicism and ironic detachment on here but I just wanted to say I like being nice! It feels good to be nice to people!! and I like it!!!!

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

The Animorphs book covers are very silly and I get why they're memed so much but also if you read those books you'd know that they're like 5% shapeshifting shenanigans and 95% about child soldiers caught in the crossfire of a horrifying intergalactic war

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

What's something you had to read for high school English class that you still love? For me it's The Yellow Wallpaper.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Just ordered a blueberry scone at this coffee shop and the guy asked me which one I wanted and I pointed at the largest one and said “the big boy” so that’s how my day is going

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

2 years

I'm feeling very emotional about Loretta Lynn's death. Did you all know about her song "The Pill"? It's one of the first songs recorded in the US about birth control. She had her first of 7 children as only a teenager, and then in 1975 she wrote this:

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Listen I like having rights and all but I do occasionally get jealous of the wealthy Victorian women who could just collapse on a fainting couch when they needed to avoid their problems and everyone would just go along with it bc maybe they had The Consumption

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Hey quick little thing! I’m an actor so sometimes I’ll play roles that deal with sexual content and situations. That’s me playing a character in a fictional situation, and doesn’t give you (a stranger) the right to try to sexualize me based on that! It’s creepy and you’re creepy!

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Just read the phrase "boring insects" and while I KNOW RATIONALLY that means insects that bore into wood, for the briefest moment I imagined a beetle that loves unsweetened oatmeal and doing sudoku puzzles in complete silence

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Yikes! Unfollowing him now. Big fan of his enduring beauty but had no idea he had a portrait in his attic growing steadily more ugly and twisted because of dark Faustian bargain :/

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

My biggest concern with the new movie is that if I have to live through another era of guys between age 14 and 30 thinking they have the BEST Joker impression ever and busting it out at every party then I will WALK into the OCEAN, NEVER TO RETURN

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Miss, you are too young for those

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

6 years

My big Move in high school when I had a crush was to tell them graphic facts about giraffe mating rituals

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Also Dr. Ellie Sattler. I’m a bi lady trust me I GET IT 😍🦕

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

Girls had Robert Pattinson for 4 years Now, he belongs to the boys

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

I used to be really embarrassed by how easily I cry at movies, tv, songs, books, but as I’ve gotten older I’m actually grateful for the emotional connections I make with art, and the catharsis of crying it out. Basically I’m not embarrassed anymore. I cry a lot, it’s ok!!

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Sometimes I think I want to fall in love, sometimes I just want to unhinge my jaw and swallow a burrito whole like a snake

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

Deleting my dating apps bc I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (a carriage accident outside our home brings a mysterious girl into my family’s care, her name is Carmilla and she soon begins to have a strange hold on me)

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Examples:

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

I didn't choose to be bisexual I watched Brie Larson sing Black Sheep in Scott Pilgrim and now here I am

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

You know how you sometimes see these like GORGEOUS ethereal incredible women with weird troll men? I want to make that happen for me this year. I want to be some beautiful person's surprising little gremlin, give me that shot

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

This is not a put down of either kind of man, but I think it’s wild that there are subreddits full of dudes claiming that girls only want buff Chris Hemsworth types w/ specific perfect face proportions when my two biggest male celebrity crushes rn are Bill Hader and John Mulaney

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

3 years

I like in a video game when I get to make my little person and give them a little haircut and a little outfit and a kiss on the forehead before I send them on adventures

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

6 years

Not to be mean but Chris Pratt just reminds me of the guys in the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at my high school

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Listen, I love pumpkin spice, I really really do, but what I won't stand for is erasure of the other Autumnal Special Flavors: Caramel Apple, and Maple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the Autumn flavors are good

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 years

Yes my sweet elf boys I shall answer your riddles and learn the Secrets of the Forest

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

4 years

Worst thing about climbing out of a depression hole is suddenly realizing how much stuff has piled up in my absence from myself.

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Addison Peacock

@Addison_Peacock

5 months

if you see me at the Ren Faire getting mead poured down my throat by a busty tavern wench while she talks dirty in a theatrically old-timey way, just keep walking, mind your business

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