Nic Houghton @40PercentGerman Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

10,828

Followers

2,383

Following

3,909

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41,354

Statuses

Based in 🇩🇪. Wannabe Lederhosen wearer. Writing about German & British culture. Co-host of the @DecadesfromHome podcast.

Germany

https://t.co/oQWQceUA5D

Joined November 2012

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 years

Bavaria is a source of German stereotypes, while in #Germany its considered the least German of the Bundesländer. This makes it hard to describe to non-Germans. While some make comparisons with Texas, perhaps a better example can be found in the UK?

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

8 days

Living in Germany, I often forget the small but important differences that make the UK so quintessentially British…like carpet in the bathroom.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

27 days

It’s the general air of optimism that keeps me coming back to Deutsche Bahn.

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@40PercentGerman

2 months

Years ago, while teaching, I joked that Käsekuchen & Käsesahnetorte were the same. The room erupted in anger. A week later, everyone had baked cakes. I was told to test them. That's when I learned Germans are serious about cake, and my jokes might need some work.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

6 days

Whenever I'm in the UK, and the topic of driving and the lack of German speed limits comes up, I like to show people this picture.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 months

My first months in Germany, I asked my wife the name of these sweets. She replied "keine Ahnung" (no idea). Not speaking German, I assumed "keine Ahnung" was a brand. This led to some frustrating conversations: Me: Can you get some sweets? Wife: Which ones? Me: keine Ahnung.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

Before I moved to Germany, my wife would visit me in the UK. She only had one request: proper bread. I must have bought every possible type, but nothing seemed to impress her. I never understood her disappointment. Then I moved to Germany, and she bought me some tea bags...

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 months

Took daughter to the Bäckerei, we stand in the queue. She asks for Krapfen, I say no, they’re not for breakfast. Before I know it, the people around us have assembled an adhoc legal team and are forcefully advocating for my daughter. And that’s why we had Krapfen for breakfast.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

In 1997, Walmart tried to enter the German market, and became a case study in failure. My favourite story from this period was that staff were trained to be friendly to customers, which freaked out some shoppers, but made others think staff were hitting on them.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 month

After years of trying and failing to use the correct German article, I've found a viable long-term solution. Is it Der, Die, or Das? Let chaos decide!

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 month

"Germany isn't all about beer you know, we do have other drinks...". The other drinks:

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

I like German directness, but the tone can catch you unawares. Example, this morning at the bakery: Me, looking in my bag: "I didn't order a croissant" Baker: "I put it in there as an extra" Me: "Wow, that's nice" Baker, in a cheery voice: "Not really, no one else wanted it"

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

When we moved to our village, I baked these for the neighbours so we could introduce ourselves. None of them had ever heard of a Hot Cross Bun before. 3 years later, I'm waking up early to fulfil orders from nearly everyone in the street. That's what I call British soft power.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

In Germany, when you do something wrong, everyone will tell you so, but when you do something right, no one says anything. If you can deal with that, you'll do pretty well here.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

8 months

As an immigrant to Germany, I’m just wondering: is this the Leitkultur we keep being told we need?

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 month

One part of German I've struggled with is whether to address people with Sie or Du. Germans have internalised it to such an extent they're awful at explaining when to use them. Luckily, I found this, but how simple can grammar be when it needs a flowchart to explain?

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 months

They say the German tax system is complex, but it's actually fairly simple. You either: A) File a tax return, then wait for the Finanzamt to say what they will accept. OR B) Commit the "biggest tax theft in post-war history", stealing €12 billion, and never face punishment.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

28 days

I keep hearing how Germany isn't a country of innovation anymore. Well, I'm here to say that just isn't true.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

9 months

Lots of people think German is a great language because of words like "Schadenfreude", "Zeitgeist" or "Backpfeifengesicht", which give a name to abstract concepts. However, the true beauty of German is contained in a mighty, yet comparatively simple word: 'Doch'.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

Call it pessimism, cynicism, or simply being realistic, but I've yet to meet a single German who doesn't laugh out loud when I show them the title of this book.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

I see the fireworks debate in Germany is moving in a totally expected direction.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

In Germany it's quite common for couples to sleep in the same bed, but with separate duvets. I know people who think that's a bit odd, and I must admit I did at first. But, 42% of British marriages end in divorce, while in Germany it's only 35%. Maybe Germany's on to something.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

Years ago, while teaching, I joked that Käsekuchen & Käsesahnetorte were the same. The room erupted in anger. A week later, everyone had baked cakes. I was told to test them. That's when I learned Germans are serious about cake, and my jokes might need some work.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

7 months

At the weekend, ordinary Germans came out in their hundreds of thousands to protest the extreme right & the AfD. Now companies are doing the same, with this advert from supermarket EDEKA showing consumers what AfD policies & lack of diversity really mean for Germany. #Vielfalt

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

When people in the UK ask me how life has changed since moving to Germany, I tell them I seriously underestimated how much Kohlrabi would feature in my day to day diet. “What’s Kohlrabi?” They tend to ask. “Exactly!” I reply.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 years

'We're not racist, some of our former colonies were black' isn't the argument they think it is.

@TJFrancisLive

Tyrone Francis

3 years

A section on racism in the Sunday Times article on #MeghanMarkle 👇🏾

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

9 months

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of people moaning about Deutsche Bahn. I recently travelled from Augsburg to Berlin in under 6 hours with only minor delays. Admittedly most of that journey was on a replacement bus, and I was actually trying to get to Munich...

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

I have a German friend, lovely bloke. He speaks excellent English, but never changes his communication style, he's unwaveringly German. For instance, our chats can be fantastically direct. When talking he once told me: "This topic is boring, do you have another one?"

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

Learning German isn't about studying grammar or memorising Der, Die, Das. No, it's knowing 3 things: - when to interject with a solid "Wirklich!" - when to deliver a devastating "Doch!" - the optimum exasperated pitch for shouting "HALLO!" while in a supermarket queue.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 months

I'm sick and tired of all the division on this platform, so let's all come together and agree on this simple and inescapable truth: Bienenstich is obviously the best cake in Germany.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

10 months

Tips for British people in Germany: If you're in a dull meeting and fancy livening up proceedings, wait for a pause and say loudly: "Same procedure as every year?". It might make no sense, but people will lose their minds and carry you on their shoulders like a hero.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 years

Americans arguing whether New York pizza is better than Chicago pizza, while Germany and Dr.Oetker are quietly going insane.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

I'm often told it's difficult to make friends in Germany. It can be hard, sometimes it can take years, but I've found a way to speed up the process. Turns out a massive bag of Brezen is the key.

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@40PercentGerman

1 year

@jonathanbfine Funny, after reading that, I hated her too.

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@40PercentGerman

6 months

While working at a German company, I noticed managers used English buzzwords that most didn't understand. I started adding random English words & phrases to see if anyone would ask what they meant. It took weeks, the phrase that did it was "Das ist für mich nicht hunky-dory".

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 months

Recently, I met a Bavarian, a South Tyrolean, a Swiss gent, and a kid from Austria. They all spoke German, but not the same type. I was lost in a dialect maze. For help, I turned to a mate from Hamburg. "What did they say?" I whispered. "No idea" he said "just keep nodding".

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 month

Going to the Bäckerei early in the morning is a real test of my character. Sure, I came in for the Vollkornbrot and a sensible looking Brötchen but why am I leaving with 6 Nussschnecken, 4 Franzbrötchen, and a slice of Bienenstich the size of my head?

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

Germany's Mittelstand, those small regional companies doing one very specific thing really well, is considered the backbone of the economy. This principle is also the backbone of Germany's crisp/chip industry, which has a massive range of products, all of them Paprika flavour.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

I was told by the midwife that reenacting the opening scene of The Lion King was against hospital policy, so I improvised. Thanks for all the lovely messages, Mutti & der Bub are both doing well.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

@GlienkeStephan I like the Aldi approach, pretend to be an American company, run it like a German company.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 months

If someone had told me way back in 2011 that one of my favourite foods would be something called Leberkäse, which directly translated means "Liver Cheese" (although it's neither of those things), I would have been a little concerned about my life in Germany.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 months

Often I'll start a conversation in German, and receive only English in return. I've made peace with it, but now my 4-year-old has become aware of it, and she isn't taking prisoners. When it happened yesterday, she said loudly "Why do you speak English? Daddy can speak German!".

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

8 months

My wife bought me this for Christmas and I hope it brings you as much joy as it does me.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

My first night in Germany we went clubbing. When I ordered beer, I'd get a strange plastic token. Not to be impolite, I took them, lots of them. As we left, I proudly showed my "collection" to the group, and met with howls of laughter. That was the night I learned about Pfand.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 months

The difference between learning German from a textbook and learning it from actual Germans:

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

People often ask me what's the fundamental difference between Britain and Germany. I can't say for certain, but I do have some ideas...

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 years

Honestly, the last couple days have been tough. My wife was admitted to hospital on Sunday evening and I wasn’t able to see her until she went into labour yesterday. Happy to report we now have an amazing Geordie German baby, she rocks, my wife definitely rocks, I’m ok too 😉

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

How to scare your German friends in one simple image.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

6 months

Periodically we hear how difficult it can be to adapt to life in Germany, with making friends, the language, and the bureaucracy considered the most difficult aspects. However, going through the data, I've found that the hardest thing is often never mentioned.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

Every year my wife asks where we should go on holiday, and every year I tell her my dream of travelling to all 16 Bundesländer. I want to see the castles, the cities, and hear the different dialects Most of all though, I want to go to regional bakeries and order bread wrong.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

@derwahremawa I'll take a polite hello and that's all most of us really need.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

7 months

After a decade of learning German via online courses, VHS, apps, and several unproductive "meet-ups" in various pubs, I've crunched the data on the most difficult elements of the language. Frankly, the results aren't that surprising.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 months

How Germany changed me: 2011 - held door open for someone who strode through without saying "Danke". My British brain seethed in silence. 2024 - Held door open, no "Danke" forthcoming, sarcastically shout "Danke!" and then "Gerne!" as they walk away. German brain celebrates.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

@DouglasKMurray I see you're approaching the peace process and the GFA with the same half-baked approach as all your other work.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

6 months

My job is to teach German students English grammar & pronunciation, but most of what I do involves explaining that “toast” is simply cooked bread and therefore “toast-bread” (Toastbrot) is an impossible concept to grasp for English speakers. I’m doing God’s work.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 years

Lot's of people think German is a great language because of words like 'Schadenfreude' or 'Backpfeifengesicht', but it's true beauty is contained in the mighty, yet comparatively simple word 'Doch'.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

10 months

For a week, the ladies at the Bäckerei have been trying to get me to buy cake for breakfast. Not sure if it's some experiment, or they're just bored, but I'm near cracking. One told me this morning "Anything can be breakfast if you eat it before lunch". Can't fault that logic.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

Come to Germany! Don't expect us to make it easy for you 😉

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

If you live outside of Germany, you might think it's one country. If you live in Germany, you might think it's actually 16 Bundesländer. However, if you know Germany, and I mean really know Germany, you probably divide the country by one of these three maps:

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

29 days

Every 2nd language speaker must experience this, but only since learning German have I realised how insane idioms can sound. Me: So, Jürgen got promoted. German Colleague: Yea, the dumbest farmer has the biggest potatoes (Der dümmste Bauer hat die dicksten Kartoffeln). Me: ...

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

If someone had told me way back in 2011 that one of my favourite foods would be something called Leberkäse, which directly translated means "Liver Cheese" (although it's neither of those things), I would have been a little concerned about my life in Germany.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

Only thing worse than royal family are the the royal correspondents, people employed to guess the unknowable thoughts of a monarch based on how they sip their tea. It’s like being a horse whisperer, except the horse doesn’t tell you anything useful and thinks you’re a pleb.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

8 months

Asked a German friend what they’re doing for Christmas and got this picture back as a reply. I assume the Kartoffelsalat comes in a bucket.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 months

Days of torrential rain in Bavaria has led to flooding in many areas. Yesterday morning, a neighbour joked "When is Markus Söder coming to see us with his cameraman?". Turns out Söder, who cut funding for flood defences in 2018, turned up later that day, with a camera of course.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

6 months

"OK Duolingo, I've been using this app for years and it's finally time to teach me something that I can actually say to a living breathing German person without them looking at me like I've been lobotomised" Duolingo:

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

Show me something you would definitely find in a German home. Here's my choice.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

Friends in the UK often ask me what it's like to raise kids in Germany. My answer is always the same: The key to German parenting isn't fostering independence, or teaching rules, it's the ability to hold Bratwurst Brötchen & Maß in one hand, while holding the baby in the other.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 months

One of the downsides of hosting Euro 2024 for Germany is the rest of Europe discovering all those stories about efficiency and organisation are as fanciful as a Grimm's Fairy Tale.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

Germans have a reputation for directness, sadly no one told 15-year-old me before our school exchange to Hamburg in 1998. Before leaving, I asked one of the German girls for her address so we could be pen pals. She looked at me quizzically and asked "Why? I won't write back."

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

When the topic of Germans disliking change or different approaches comes up, I remember the day I tried to order a Schäufele, but with pommes instead the traditional Kloß. The server shouted at me, refused to accept my order, and then served me with a separate plate of chips.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

9 months

In fairness, I've never been that good at geography, but having lived in the south of Germany for a few years, these maps seem fairly accurate.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

5 months

That moment when you accidentally let slip to a room full of Germans that you don’t really like Spargel.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 months

That horrible moment when you realise you've been been mispronouncing the German word "Nacht" (night) as "nackt" (naked), despite living in Germany for over a decade... ...and the horror when you count the times you said "I'm going today naked" instead of "I'm going tonight".

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 years

How to scare your German friends in one simple image.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

7 months

This might be a controversial opinion, but I believe Germany's greatest artistic genre is "Bakers photographed by for their local newspaper while holding bread". Seems obvious when you think about it.

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@40PercentGerman

9 months

While people complain healthcare is in thrall of Big Pharma, I believe German medicine is actually controlled by Großer Tee. How else do you explain why so many doctors and pharmacies recommend tea for every ailment? I mean I like tea, but sometimes I just want Ibuprofen.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

22 days

I once had a German colleague with the driest sense of humour. I could never tell if he was joking. One Monday, the intern arrived with freshly dyed blue hair. Colleague: How was your trip to Berlin? Blue: Good...how did you know I went to Berlin? Colleague: Just guessing...

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

9 months

How I think my German umlauts sound VS the reality.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

10 months

At the start of the week, let's take a moment to think of those less fortunate than ourselves.

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@40PercentGerman

1 year

I thought one of the hardest German words was "Eichhörnchen". Funnily enough, the translation "Squirrel" is equally hard for Germans. Once I learned "Eichhörnchen", my father-in-law suggested I also try the Bayrisch version, "Oachkatzl". Bayrisch is German on hard mode.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 months

I've never really understood why some people consider food in #Germany to be boring. Seems like a good variety to me...I can't pronounce half of it, but still.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

15 days

German digitalisation can follow you even on holiday. Phone data ran out. Sent a text to pay for more, but that doesn’t work outside Germany. Buy an online voucher, website says it will be sent via email. Got email. It confirms voucher will be sent to my house in next 3 days…

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@40PercentGerman

1 year

Complaining is common in Germany & the UK, but the British complain to break the ice, Germans see complaint as something to be fixed. British: "It's really hot today" "Yea, I know what you mean!" German: "It's really hot today" "Of course, you're wearing the wrong clothing"

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

10 months

I think I've found my new hobby.

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@40PercentGerman

2 years

@MarinaPurkiss @JeremyVineOn5 @theJeremyVine It's impressive that you can sit across from Ann Widdecombe and not have your brain melted by her electrifying awfulness.

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@40PercentGerman

1 year

When you're the only British person in a meeting with German colleagues and you realise your entire communication culture is based on making jokes, being sarcastic, or taking the piss, and it isn't working. Also you're the only one who laughed when Jürgen asked for his "Handy".

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

To live here, you need to know there isn't one #Germany , there's 16 different flavours. Things only get weird when you move to Bavaria to be told it's "not really" Germany. Weirder, move to Nürnberg, in Bavaria, and suddenly you're in Franken. German geography is tricky.

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@40PercentGerman

4 months

The difference between German & British culture: UK - if I go to my child's school concert and drink multiple beers, the teachers think I have a problem. Germany - if I don't bring cash to my child's school concert, I can't buy the beers sold by teachers, which is a problem.

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@40PercentGerman

1 year

Months ago, I taught the lovely ladies in the bakery some Geordie, it was fun, and we had a laugh. I also told them Geordies call each other "pet" similar to the German "Schatz". Now, I'm greeted with "Herr Haustier!" when I go to get bread. My friends, this is German humour.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

After a decade in Germany, I finally gave Socken & Hausschuhe a go and dammit if they aren't comfortable! It's made me wonder though: what other German things have I avoided that are actually great? Next up, I'm going to try standing uncomfortably close to people in a queue.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

Some think Germans are pessimistic. I don't, I see it as brutal realism. Doctors are a good example of this. I saw our doc after a back injury, and I asked how long I needed to recover. They sighed, and began "Herr Houghton, when you turn 30, your body begins to die..."

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 months

German broadcaster ARD is producing news in "Einfacher Sprache" (simple language) for those with disabilities & German learners. Right-wingers are angry. They call potential viewers "idioten" or "blöd". They don't want everyone to speak German, they want to feel superior.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

When Germans see the cashier opening another checkout at the supermarket.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

3 years

I've never really understood why some people consider food in #Germany to be boring. Seems like a good variety to me...I can't pronounce half of it, but still.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

11 months

When you begin a particularly long German sentence, reach desperately for the right articles, skip effortlessly over umlauts, and finally land the correct verb in the correct tense at the end. Truly no better feeling.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

9 days

The Germans have a saying "Nett ist die kleine Schwester von Scheiße" meaning to say something is "nice" is a polite way of saying the total opposite. That being said, I keep seeing these stickers all over the place, and I can't work out if they're earnest or an elaborate joke.

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@40PercentGerman

Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

1 year

I’m off to Würzburg today for work, it’s a lovely part of #Germany . One of my favourite things about the city is that the Latin name was ‘Herbipolis’ (which is incredibly fun to say) because of the ‘Würze’ meaning herb/spice. This is exactly the dumb tourist fact I like.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

23 days

Every German I know refuses to wish anyone an early happy birthday. It's only done on the exact date, no earlier. I used to assume it was because Germans are naturally inclined to punctuality. Turns out it's superstition, an early "Happy Birthday" = one year of bad luck.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

4 months

@themarcba Look, I'm not trying to pay for my dentist's beachfront property.

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Nic Houghton

@40PercentGerman

2 years

I'm sick and tired of all the division on this platform, so let's all come together and agree that Bienenstich is obviously the best cake in Germany.

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