s*d @06fordexplorer Twitter profile

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s*d

@06fordexplorer

1 year

at urgent care in miami seeing if they do fake boobs

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s*d

@06fordexplorer

4 years

describing in detail what kind of rug i want in my room out loud so i get a targeted ad for the perfect one i’m envisioning

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

some kid in the library is bragging loudly about how he got a 35 on the ACT well sir I signed up for the ACT but forgot I did and missed the test and we still ended up at the same school how does that make you feel

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

every girl who had a two piece prom dress is in a pyramid scheme now

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

what is joe biden’s plan to stop bathing suit companies from selling tops and bottoms separate for $70 each

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

after attending a wedding this weekend i can confirm i would have to be on multiple drugs to stand in front of my family and confess to loving someone

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

senior year of high school i got there at 7am to do morning announcements then school then practice every day til 4:30 then work from 5-9 then homework and i woke up every day like a SPRING CHICKEN now i get home from just my job and i’m like nobody touch me nobody move

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

your honor it was not a HIPAA violation i was simply BeingReal

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

me in 4th grade with all my webkinz

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

girls who dropped out of college and had a baby are on facebook like “motherhood is the hardest thing ive ever done” yeah no shit you never even got the chance to take calc 2

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

can’t do the teenage dirtbag tiktok trend i did the morning announcements

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

deeply disturbing that college freshman this year were born in 2001

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

i don’t use a wallet i carry a SINGLE LOOSE DEBIT CARD that i misplace once a day which just adds to my overall lack of control over everything in my life

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

just got this pair of jeans that’s two different pant legs connected by a zipper that goes all the way around i feel like a new mother

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

first semester out of college & i don’t miss tests but i do miss the absolute chaos of finals week literally no one cares what anyone does or wears or if you've eaten animal crackers for a straight week all behavior is justified it’s like the purge

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@06fordexplorer

6 months

right underneath taylor swift killing the planet with her private jet is my name with my paper towel usage i am just cranking through those

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

at what age can your parents finally sit in the passenger seat of your car without being extremely dramatic while you’re driving do you have to be thirty

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

talking to my dad about how i think i made the wrong undergraduate/ career decisions and he goes “everything sucks no matter what you choose to do” which is kind of relieving so thanks for the Monday motivation Richard

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

coffee literally does NOT work on me anymore i only drink it at this point because i associate the taste with being a productive human being

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

guys seriously how fucking shocked were you the first time you saw hors d'oeuvres written out

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

when i was like 13 i bought my first thong at the mall & weeks later it got mixed in with my dad’s laundry and my stepmom (before they were married) found it and asked if it belonged to us and i said NO because i was embarrassed & THATs the time i also almost broke my parents up

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

going out in nyc tonight so my first outfit choice i created in my head today was my black turtleneck bodysuit leather pants and my tan trench coat i put my sunglasses on & look in the mirror and i immediately start dying laughing i look like a fucking spy kid

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

literally beer pong has better OT rules than the nfl

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

about to sell my placebo birth control pills to stupid freshman in the library desperate for adderall

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

i’m not irish but i do participate in the irish goodbye and for that i will celebrate

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

if i’m already doing 80 and you’re still tailgating me i’m not moving over you need to figure out a more creative way around me because yes the left lane is for crime but NOT felonies

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

cried about paying $100 for a tire yesterday but then made 10k hitting buttons on my phone today god is a woman and she hits the curbs when she drives

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

apparently the guy who streaked at the super bowl bet a ton of money that there’d be a streaker at the super bowl so he did it himself that’s what i call making it happen

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

third base with a man is explaining to them why taylor swift is re-recording her old music

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

the ultimate sorority of them all is RN, BSN

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

girls can do the stock market but men could never do astrology thank you

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

obsessed with this tiktok series of a bunch of guys taking shots of different liquors and trying to guess if it’s the real brand liquor or the costco knockoff complete with it’s own theme song entitled Can It Kirkland

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

living in your adult apartment by yourself is too boring i miss my house of six girls where someone was always baking, someone was always scheming, someone was always taking shots & there was always a random man asleep in our sunroom

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

my boyfriend says the sweetest things to me all the time but i can’t hear any of them over the sound of him not posting anything about me for national girlfriend day

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

my boyfriend a year ago: no way i’m not drinking wine that’s gross my boyfriend now: so are you thinking a riesling or moscato for tonight

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

where is the 10 minute version of Ribs

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

forgot to wear my apple watch to the gym so even though i worked out i’m still gonna wake up tomorrow morning with it calling me a fat bitch

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

humans and panera mac & cheese are both made by being warmed up in a sack and i think that’s beautiful

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

good morning to everyone except people who do professional photo shoots with their boyfriends for no reason every time i see one i’m like oh shit she’s pregnant but nope just two regular people in flannels kissing or something with an amber instagram filter

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

so many girls are going into nursing now which is amazing but also scary because what if years from now i wake up in the hospital to my boyfriends ex who tried to start a twitter fight with me putting an IV into my arm

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

referring to all men i’ve loosely dated as “a friend of the show”

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

OKAY hear me out: two absorbant sponge-like bracelets you wear on each wrist so when you’re washing your face water doesn’t run down your arms onto your shirt sleeves so basically sweatbands but cuter & marketed differently

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@06fordexplorer

1 year

do men not like taylor swift because she’s 5’11 and it threatens them

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

i miss being like 12 over the summer & you’d just sleep over at your friends house multiple days in a row with absolutely no belongings no skincare routine no responsibilities just vibes

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

if your parents are still married you’re a nepo baby

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@06fordexplorer

6 months

rooting for the chiefs this week only- not because i want them to win the superbowl but because i want taylor swift there and her presence to ruin the day for all men

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

just sent all of my outfit selfies accidentally to my WORK group chat of ALL MEN

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

i can’t throw them out these are my emotional support running shorts from high school

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

i won’t be happy until the sun sets at 9:00pm again

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

planning out how long my boyfriend is staying with us over winter break and my dad goes "well ask him how many nights he's comfortable sleeping next to me in bed"

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

“WHO didn’t refill the brita” - me, to myself alone in my apartment

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

did a grab bag with all my cousins tonight & no one upholded the ice honor code when unwrapping my smirnoff ice because they “have a serious gluten allergy” or are “seven months pregnant” grow up

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

i miss when you were 12 and spontaneously slept over someone’s house and werent worried about your skincare routine

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

me when i run into my mortal enemy at a party

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

the circle of life is going from taking a headshot in front of a white wall for your fake ID to taking a headshot in front of a white wall for a professional linkedin pic

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

when the pads from bathing suits/sports bras come out in the wash and you have to maneuver them back in correctly through that tiny hole in the side it’s very similar to laparoscopic surgery

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

how do you dress business professional without feeling like you’re going to your middle school orchestra concert

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

you’re in his DMs his mom is wishing me a happy birthday on facebook

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

told my boyfriend i’m online shopping and he immediately venmo’d me i am a kept woman

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

zac brown band really said let’s make one good album 15 years ago and perform it every summer until we die as they SHOULD

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

yeah taylor swift is the most guilty of privately flying everywhere but did the planet write death by a thousand cuts

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

this boy just told me “your roots are growing in so bad” it’s called a fucking balayage you absolute neanderthal no wonder we ignore you all

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

i have no idea why jury duty is considered annoying i wanna get selected SO BAD it’s like watching an episode of snapped or listening to a true crime podcast but you’re THERE

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@06fordexplorer

7 months

havent listened to tate mcrae because people born in 2003 aren’t real to me yet

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

“are you okay?” no i want a green velvet couch

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

oh my god am i old enough that my friends are keeping their babies

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

my favorite part of being home for the holidays is my dad making my boyfriend and i sleep in separate beds even though we BOTH know what’s been going on all year

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

it’s crazy to me that my coworkers make plans for after work together to get drinks or something like you guys don’t immediately need to go home and lay on the floor after this ??

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

there's so much speculation about a hannah montana comback now idk about that i think miley just got super baked and decided to drive around with the wig on for fun

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

i think leggings should be considered women’s business casual to help make up for the wage gap

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

most girls sitting around talking with their roommates are way funnier than the call her daddy girls on any podcast ever

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

this is the real pandemic be safe

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

i think part of growing up is constantly being paranoid that the groceries you bought are going bad in the fridge but you still buy sushi for dinner anyway

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

just read this article that explained college kids surviving STEM “weed-out” classes had absolutely nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with how many friends you had in the class which is so absolutely accurate

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

and they DEFINITELY don’t check your GPA

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

no idea why people buy expensive designer sunglasses when you could just buy similar looking ones from target for $20 that you won’t care about losing at the beach or bending in your bag - i will die on this hill

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

why does no one tell you 50% of having any adult job is pretending to look busy for 8 hours a day

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

if you got a dog in college and it like lived in your house with your friends and during parties you should be on a government watch list

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

part of my interview today was introducing ourselves & naming a celebrity we admired, i thought it was just an ice breaker and wouldn’t come back up later in the day but NO we did a life raft challenge & i had to pitch why danny devito deserved to stay on the life raft and i WON

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

i want joe burrow’s nike chain in my mouth

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

when i was a bitchy child once upon a time i changed my dad’s girlfriends contact information to my mom’s (his ex wife’s) name is his phone so he ignored her for a week and that is the story of how i almost broke my parents up

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

if astrology isn’t real then why did they make me a leo

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

why did i even bother getting an engineering degree if i wanted to get belittled by middle aged men all day i’d just hang out with my dad

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

went tanning and just spent the past minute afterwards looking for my underwear because i forgot i used my thong to hold my hair up when i didn’t have a hair tie

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

what is joe biden’s plan to stop grown adults from proposing at disney

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

was just forced to relive via snapchat memories our random roommate coming in hot moving in and taping this list of rules from her home boyfriend to her desk

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@06fordexplorer

6 years

applying for jobs while saying i'm a college student home for break isn't going well because no place wants to hire someone for a month so for the next round of applications i'm saying i don't go to school and will just fake my own death the last week of january

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

what i wish i could do from the tanning bed to my car

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

google docs is so amazing it saves everything you’ve ever typed but if you walk away from your paper for ten minutes microsoft word is like huh you wrote a paper? i don’t know her

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

can’t stand a “nobody cares about your spotify wrapped” kinda person like social media literally exists because you inherently care what other people are doing so if you don’t wanna see that i listened to maggie rogers all year then go outside or read a fucking book

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

the worst insult you could ever throw at me is “i feel like you would love Call Her Daddy”

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

someone just said “you’re fine you live in new york” to me it’s not fucking about me it’s about everyone

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@06fordexplorer

3 years

i just unlocked a very repressed memory of thinking the mom from the parent trap was princess diana

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@06fordexplorer

1 year

can’t read your baby on board sticker i am typing a work email

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

everyone on twitter is in quarantine and everyone on instagram is on spring break

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@06fordexplorer

2 years

i love this man

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@06fordexplorer

5 years

never thought i’d care about the products accidentally dropped in the shower but here i am now a fake blonde on my hands & knees trying to salvage the $20 purple shampoo that slipped out of my hand

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

i think stores should dedicate at least one employee per shift to just walking around with a spray bottle of water and spraying the customers who have their masks pulled down

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@06fordexplorer

4 years

just worked 50 hours in three days with a surgical mask on i think you guys can keep one above your nose for an hour at the grocery store

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