Rory McCarthy @roryisconfused Twitter profile

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Rory McCarthy

2 years

Walking in the middle of Hampstead Heath, an American guy came up to me and said “hey, how do I get out of here?”, I said “well, that depends where you need to go”, and he looked at me like I was some fucking Alice in Wonderland character

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Last Seen Profiles

@VilliersPark

@stwmaniax

@olivier984078

@MecaAndro_XD123

@bokeplokalmalam

@TeeterA5

@EOPSS

@dudacovr

@ValTravelJunkie

@bwamuumudi29223

@stwmaniax

@iisa461

@tjansten

@IndianaLandmark

@pokemon77walker

@stwmaniax

@bokeplokalmalam

@Valelo19941065

@spnafc

@ZachKBradford

@ClinicMarkov

@RLtvcom

@originalbree__

@johannaluukkone

@MeteoMauri

@T_morgan61

@stwmaniax

@jayyadav_777

@ammarawrites

@DENZLSPORFAN201

@bizzledr

@coconacchi

@Mochi_Hinana

@NICKMERCS

@clivewilcock

@therickcrypto

Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

“I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity” oh my god

Michelle Collins

@michcoll

2 years

A lady at the airport brought her own personal tube of mayonnaise. I’ve yassified her to maintain anonymity but she’s my hero.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

At the pub, a guy has shown me his list of potential names for his band

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 months

The only thing I can confidently predict is that the guy who shot at Trump is going to have the most baffling political views you’ve ever heard

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 years

The best kind of photo is when a cheeky cat has stolen a fish

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

7 months

She’s the female equivalent of Robert Pattinson vis-a-vis ‘this ethereally hot person is completely insane, how delightful’, someone should put them in a film together where they’re just unbelievably beautiful and totally berserk for a good hour and a half

delaney

@danversguardian

7 months

will always be one of her most chaotic moment on the red carpet

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

You’d think the fact that there are 0 trans women competing in the Paris Olympics would be enough to stop all the discourse about all the trans women competing in the Paris Olympics – and yet!

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Tweets like “gentle reminder that mental illness makes you sad sometimes, and sometimes it makes you quite anxious. But mental illness does NOT [lists common traits of mania and schizophrenia]”

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

People are always like ‘no one had anxiety before modernity’ and Wikipedia pages of pre-20th century figures are always like “he was startled by the sight of an unseemly looking duck [4], whereupon he died of horror [5],[6]”

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

We overcorrected with the literary fuckboy stuff…we need to lead the young men out of Andrew Tate and back into Ernest Hemingway and David Foster Wallace and we need to do this immediately

Rachel Lapides

@rachellapides

1 month

The undergrad creative writing class I’m teaching has 19 girls and 1 boy

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Decided to look up the leaderboard of this running thing you can do on the Strava running app and the number one ranked guy is just running around for the same square every single day for about 6 hours

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 years

My solution as a man for the stuck boat in the Suez Canal

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

It’s true and bizarre: the UK is an absolute cultural powerhouse, and conservative attacks on the arts are pure ideology *against* economic pragmatism

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

6 months

Punt Road

@punt_rd

6 months

What was your aha moment when you realised ‘wow, that’s the same actor!!’?? I’ll start: Janette Goldstein Aliens & Terminator 2

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

Mark Kelly being talked up as potential VP pick brings me back to this, the single worst piece of political comms ever made “Look at our loser opponent: he used to be an astronaut.”

Republican Party of Arizona

@AZGOP

2 years

Friends don't let friends vote for Mark Kelly.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

10 months

If cooking is so “relaxing” why does basically everyone who does it professionally have to do cocaine about it

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

Extremely this tweet coded

Pippa Crerar

@PippaCrerar

8 months

EXCL: Kemi Badenoch is a member of a Tory WhatsApp group called “Evil Plotters” despite telling party rebels to “stop messing around” and get behind Rishi Sunak.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

This is the one i genuinely keep referencing to people as if they’d obviously know it when they inevitably don’t

paul khruangbin (Dan Lehner)

@danlehnermusic

1 year

What's a tweet that's so canonical in your mind you make shorthand reference to it, even if people might not know what you're talking about? (I sometimes just say "uh oh y'all it's gettin' kinda hazy" expecting people to get it)

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

Assuming Greta Gerwig’s coping mechanism during lockdown was just to get into a shitload of British TV that Americans usually don’t watch

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

Always feel like very spicy food is good for me, in the same way I feel freezing cold showers and long runs are good for me – if I am suffering, there must be some sort of meaning to this. I was raised Catholic, if that helps

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

The vibes have shifted in the state of Denmark

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

6 months

You follow this guy for long enough and it becomes more believable when you’re watching a film where the seventieth anonymous henchman still goes up against the protagonist who just killed 12 henchmen in 10 seconds with his legs

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

I am inventing the concept of a “thick place”, where the veil between this world and the next is extremely thick, such as you’d think you’ll never experience transcendental sensation or joy again, like the pedestrian roads around where the M1 converges with the north circular

J.R.R. TolKee

@Jeremyakee

4 months

There is a concept known as “thin places”, where it is said that the veil between this world and the next is thin. You can sense the numinous around you, even if you cannot describe it. Where have you been that felt ‘thin’?

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 months

Horrifying news in London today – Ed Davey has revealed that two large boats on the river Thames, one carrying civilians and the other prisoners, are rigged to explode at midnight unless one group sacrifices the other.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

“Horse funeral” is my pick

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

Idea for online communists: if you replace the word ‘abolish’ with ‘ban’ you could probably get the British public to agree to 90% of your demands

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

Well,

Maddie

@maddiewhittle

1 year

Barbie could be a nuclear physicist but Robert Oppenheimer couldn’t overwhelmingly influence the self-image and aesthetic aspirations of multiple generations of young girls

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

Fascinated by those magazines you see in supermarkets called like ‘Take a Break!’ and ‘That’s Life!’ where they have these happy bright fonts and 7 headlines that all describe the kind of story that a Doestoevsky character tells another to try to make them stop believing in God

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

9 months

Normal cow who is a little cross-eyed, seeing twice as many stars

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

They actually sent him to jail for this, and they were right to do so

Aaron Gwyn

@AmericanGwyn

1 year

Literary critic, Sam Bankman-Fried, on Shakespeare:

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

9 months

They should have let Jools Holland put down the first Bully XL live

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 months

Have moved from thinking it’s irritating to thinking it’s deeply immoral to thinking it’s intrinsically actually genuinely fascist to think of any other people as fucking ‘NPCs’

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

I was struck by the ghastly – the utterly and abjectly ghastly – phenomena of a girl as young as four years old identifying as a “teapot, short and stout”, whereupon she exhibited to my horrified visage what she took to be her “handle” and “spout”, in lieu of arms

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

This is a Dril tweet??? I thought that this from The Book of Mark, in the Bible. I had assumed that this was something that Jesus had said.

"Wabe"

@dril

13 years

another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

7 months

HOW DO YOU LIKE IT NOW DELEVINGNE

Guardian US

@GuardianUS

7 months

Cara Delevingne’s Los Angeles home reportedly destroyed by a fire

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

17 days

This whole thread illuminates this line by Joy Williams that kitsch is when something is somehow *about* beauty rather itself being beautiful, rather than actually achieving beauty

Culture Explorer

@CultureExploreX

18 days

1. Jago (Jacopo Cardillo) Jago, or Jacopo Cardillo, is an Italian sculptor whose marble works are a modern renaissance, combining exquisite detail with profound emotional expression, reminiscent of the greats like Michelangelo.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

9 months

When you’re not going out for NYE

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

6 months

Think of Paddington saying “oh dear” all the time too…if you wanna write for kids and truly connect with them, you have to tune into how they’re all already constantly at least low-stressed about the whole thing of being alive

samuel

@samtrayter

6 months

charlie brown snapped with “good grief” and winnie the pooh cooked with “oh bother”

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

I’ve gone viral stealing this woman’s tweet so I should be fair and link back to the thing she linked off the tweet

Michelle Collins

@michcoll

2 years

It’d be a pity to waste this viral tweet so in the spirit of selling something namely myself sign up for a free trial of my patreon - some eps are free altogether. It’s 90 percent mayo content.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

9 months

Btw everyone earlier today I was running through Hampstead and got caught in that situation where you almost run into someone who’s walking in the middle of the path and you’re switching from side to side to see who’ll pass who and I looked at his face and it was Nicholas Hoult

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

Is there a name for that whole subculture-aesthetic that’s like “…I am a baby deer who smokes cigarettes and reads Anaïs Nin…”

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

I go on about this and I’m sorry for that, but the other thing with Bully XLs is that their owners are like “they’re so cute and sweet!” and you see them and they look like a mix between a particularly evil orc and one of those intense close-ups on SpongeBob Squarepants

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

Changing at Highbury and Islington from the Victoria line to the Men’s Mental Health line

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

God…she’s so Uniqlo-core here…

SUE the T. rex 🦖

@SUEtheTrex

4 months

It's important to remember that Laura Dern

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

5 months

I’m sorry, what

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

This is it, really – they got everything they wanted, and so now they’ve had to move onto attacking women who were identified as women at birth but they feel don’t present as purely feminine enough.

Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

You’d think the fact that there are 0 trans women competing in the Paris Olympics would be enough to stop all the discourse about all the trans women competing in the Paris Olympics – and yet!

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

I like this from the Wikipedia page for John Swartzwelder, the best of the Simpsons writers – there really was a solid old weird America strain to the Simpsons, the show frequently felt like it might as well have been taking place in the 50s or 60s. Same energy in much Bob Dylan.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

This is genuinely the guy, if you want to follow him in anticipation of the name they pick and the music they put out 🎶

patrick websites 🇵🇸

@thps420

3 years

i’m the guy

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

10 months

Just copying in my theory of why Mr. Brightside is more popular in the UK than America from a group chat

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

A guy with his knee tapping in agitation, constantly refreshing the Rest is Politics feed, desperately in need of an emergency podcast to make sense of it all. Rory Stewart being rushed through the city in a specialist über that’s actually allowed to use a siren.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

It is humiliating that none of us know how to do the Monster Mash. They did not explain it in the song. Everyone involved is dead, and the knowledge has died with them. It’s akin to losing Aristotle’s Poetics II in the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

(I now think the reason this song has taken us by storm is only partly because of the 90s Europop pastiche element, but mainly because Twitter loves a slightly weird and wrong sentence, and this is a collection of slightly weird and wrong sentences)

Kyle Gordon

@kylegordon101

1 year

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

No need to engage too much with any discourse, just stating that I saw some people I follow like this and I’ve unfollowed them. If you’re wondering why, it’s because of that. It’s because you’re evil

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

You are not “depressed” because of “capitalism”, you are melancholy because your humours are misbalanced in the direction of an excess of black bile, and you are much in need of leeching

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

You have all the context you could possibly need here

No Context Brits

@NoContextBrits

2 years

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Something that struck me as a teenager about British culture is that the most unabashedly intellectual musicians – The Fall, The Smiths, Manic Street Preachers, Joy Division, etc. – were from proper working class backgrounds, while vacuous pop acts came out of private education

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 months

One of truly great photographers of the 20th century, I think. There’s such a haunting strangeness, this absolute capacity for intuitive composition, this depth of character and singularity to what she was up to. Can’t get enough of her work.

Alina Stefanescu

@aliner

3 months

Francesca Woodman, Blueprint for a Temple II, 1980

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

This looks like a push notification you’d get if you were somehow living through the plot of the third Paddington movie

maxwell museums

@maxwellmuseums

1 year

BREAKING NEWS 🚨 | British Museum Director Hartwig Fischer to step down immediately over stolen treasures

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Worried this is reaching a discourse escape velocity

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

@Cheese1138 @hansmollman It’s literally just like when something is just so yaaas and so slay even, but in the form of a past-participle verb

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

7 months

Staggeringly offensive to so many people in so many ways to frame enjoying 3 drinks after work as alcoholism.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

She got the ick because when I returned from my deep sea submarine dive I became weird and distant and then slowly transmogrified into a mermaid in our bathtub

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Calling it

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

11 months

@jpbrammer Nevermind the chat about her in the mice community…

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 years

I’m going to greet each friend I meet again after lockdown by laughing and going ‘you son of a bitch!’ as if I hadn’t expected them to survive.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 months

There should be a term for this kind of fallacy, that it’s always just intrinsically more moral to shuffle the vernacular around for some reason (frequently in the direction of sounding stranger, more inhuman and more bureaucratic)

Dissproportionately

@dissproportion

3 months

I’m getting training telling me not to say “alcoholic”, say “person with an alcohol use disorder.” 😐 Guys, “alcoholic” *is* the nice word. “Drunk” or “lush” or “booze hound” would be the stigmatizing terms, and you can’t replace one word with five and expect it to catch on.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

9 months

Since people are having a go at Stephen Fry, I just want to add that I have a specific grudge against him for 1) being one of those very condescending atheist guys 2) this clip where he says that Ulysses is his favourite novel because of the last 3 words, which he then misquotes

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

Thinking about when Norm MacDonald would not stop attacking Bret Easton Ellis for attacking Alice Munro, God bless him

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

Still mindblown by how flawlessly an American guy has managed to impersonate a very specific kind of Australian that you will occasionally meet

Brian Jordan Alvarez

@brianjoralvarez

1 year

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

Anyway they probably should run him. They should go “hey he’s an astronaut, that’s really cool right?” and people “hey yeah, that’s actually really cool that he was an astronaut.” Great angle to play against JD Vance who, in contrast, is a massive fucking loser.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

“I could go on and on about the failings of Shakespeare” claims high-status man whose hubris, myopia and lust for power led him to ruin

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

10 months

Americans on here do not understand two things about the UK: Mr. Brightside is for some reason our most popular song, much more popular than in the USA; and we’re actually really used to spicy food, we eat it a lot, we’re big into curry

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Please don’t go viral…I can’t be fucked with expressing this opinion virally

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

I used to be evil, but then I did an ethics class as part of my humanities degree, and now I am good.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

People keep asking: the film Robert Clowney Jr.: Top Crackhead was watching was ‘Titane’

patrick websites 🇵🇸

@thps420

3 years

@DeadbeatPad @roryisconfused titane!

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

You are not “depressed” because of “capitalism”, you are melancholy because your humours are misbalanced in the direction of an excess of black bile, and you are much in need of leeching

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

Intense hatred of AI adverts out in the actual world

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

@DrJenIzaakson I’m saying there’re no trans women in the olympics, read it again very slowly if you have to 👍

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

8 months

I once worked in a bookshop that had ‘The Bear’ vibes. WE’RE OUT OF THE NEW ATWOOD, SOMEONE RUN TO THE STOCKROOM AND GET SOME FUCKING ATWOOD, and that sort of thing. I remember coworkers crying from stress at lunch. I am being completely and utterly serious.

Michael Fry

@BigDirtyFry

8 months

I started and am enjoying The Bear but if I showed up to work somewhere and the staff were all behaving like that I would leave after probably half an hour.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Paxman’s violent condescension towards people who didn’t know the most minute esoterica about the Byzantine Empire was a valuable public service in knocking nerds down a peg or two. His replacement will be normal, encouraging and impressed, and it’ll unleash untold narcissism.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 months

I knew immediately that something was wrong after I heard a gun shot and then felt that I had been shot at with a gun

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

The “pleasure to have in class” to “displeasure to have on my feed” pipeline

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

5 months

I still just feel it’s a very warped, broken mindset to think you’re some kind of traitor and opposed to the Palestinian cause if you view what happened on October 7th as a tragedy, and I have seen this view quite a few times.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

Like, did you come from Hampstead? From Highgate? Do you want to go towards central London? It is not one straight path man

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

I fear Australians

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

The raw beauty, the overpowering spectacle, of the Fitzcarralo shelf in the Piccadilly Waterstones

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

6 months

Prince Will’s wife going missing has staggering Haruki Murakami protagonist vibes. He should start listening to jazz, talking to cats, hide down a well for a few days, maybe fuck a ghost, see if that solves anything.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

3 years

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

This is a towering banger of a book

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

7 months

I would just like to back up Rebecca’s credentials as a rival to Rob here

triz

@creztalis

7 months

Rebecca Ferguson once said...

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

4 months

When people ask if I’ve seen Rembrandt’s delicate and yet highly emotive use of light and shadow in person by seeing his works and so many others of the Dutch Golden Age at the world-famous Rijksmuseum

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 years

I ran 10k today in pretty good time and I was feeling happy with myself but now I realise that I’m just some wanker

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

6 months

@racheledini1 I don’t think he ever attacks civilians! He’ll only ever go after someone for being a dick, not just for being badly dressed in whatever way

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

“ban families” “ban prisons” “ban capitalism” you could get the entire readership of the Daily Mail to agree to all of this

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

The Irish government gave Sally Rooney enough funding to live on while she wrote her first novel; considering how insanely well she’s done, that’s straightforward fiscal rationality.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 year

It was a queer, sultry summer, the kind of summer that makes you long for it to be less queer and less sultry, the summer they executed the Rosenbergs, the kind of execution that makes you long for them to execute less Rosenbergs,

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

7 years

John McAfee's life is something else, I can not tell you what it is, but it something else entirely.

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

1 month

If you said “abolish Bully XLs” everyone would have been like “what the fuck are you talking about”. So consider this: “ban the police”

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Rory McCarthy

@roryisconfused

2 months

“Oh look at our loser opponent, he had the job which children wish they could have but so few get because you have to be at the absolute peak of human intellectual as well as physical prowess to stand a chance, the one in which you experience the absolute sublime”

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