Ross Noble @realrossnoble Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@ChurchillRiely

Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

With the passing of Sean Lock we have lost the best of the best.He made me laugh like few others do.A massive talent who made stand up look effortless and approached his illness in the same no nonsense way he approached life.A great loss.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Most of the people complaining about me saying we shouldn’t let our theatre industry collapse have the cross of St George and the union flag on their profile. What’s that all about?

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

To all the people on here who think the theatre world isn’t important compared to other parts of the economy.Consider where most of the writers,actors composers,designers,comedians etc who have been keeping you entertained in lockdown honed their craft.Then fuck right off.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 months

Decided to fly @easyJet Great value. The emergency hatch falling on me was at no extra charge. Staff didn’t waste time apologising or showing any concern they helpfully informed me the water dripping on me was just condensation. Great job 👏

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

@mrjamesob Rishi Sunak identifies with Will Smith! It was Chris Rock that was hit in the face. That says it all.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Like most sensible people I am down the shops panic buying and stockpiling incase as a nation we vote leave tomorrow

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

What would you think if your local theatre closes and is bought by a property developer and turned into flats. Genuine question. As much as it has got a bit toxic on here today I want to hear what the general view is.seems like a lot of people aren’t bothered.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Loads of people talking about @MrMichaelSpicer having his idea ripped off. The best thing to do is buy his book/buy a ticket to see his tour.If you like it support his work.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

5 years

RIP Nicholas Parsons.I was 21 when we first worked together and I will never forget how welcoming he was to me and others like me.He was a born performer who lived to be on stage and never lost his love of being infront of a crowd. A true gent.He will be greatly missed.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

@mrjamesob anyone thinking of believing Boris. I am in Australia had this on my phone for weeks! Current death toll 102.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

5 years

So sorry to hear that Tim Brooke Taylor has passed away. He was such a lovely funny man. I watched him as a kid and it was always a thrill to work with him.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

@realDonaldTrump How is everything else going?

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

Just checking the dictionary definition of irony. Oh yes here it is.

Mirror Celeb

@MirrorCeleb

3 years

Piers Morgan steps back from Twitter as he's sick of dealing with 'awful' people

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Good morning everyone how are..........OH FUCK!

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Yes as performers we can seem like shallow poncy twats and I will take that criticism but most people in the entertainment industry are hard working people doing a honest days work.Anyone who doesn’t get that can fuck right off.

James Graham

@mrJamesGraham

4 years

Southampton’s Nuffield Theatre is closing for good. 60yrs of investment, training & serving its community. All profitable in normal times, just needed shortfall funding while closed & it didn’t come in time So sorry to the 86 made redundant, & the locals who loved their theatre

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

⁦ @mrjamesob ⁩ have I got my tin foil hat on here? Am I making a link too far. Wetherspoons buy up old theatres turn them into pubs.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

Just to clear up I have two daughters and we personally would prefer motorcycle magazines were not classified as men’s interest That is all

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

I just felt a great disturbance in the force as if a millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

How many times do I have to say it.most people who work in theatres and connected business are the average man (or women) on the street. Yes we performer are useless pompous twats but behind the scenes these people do an honest days work.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

Just a heads up to anyone planning on watching live comedy. You are not permitted to get up on stage and hit the comedian unless you are at least Oscar nominated. This is the worst thing Will Smith has done since his singing in Aladdin.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Say what you like about the tabloids this is a work of genius.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

I would like to deeply apologise to anyone who has been offended by my language is childish and not necessary.i was being flippant and not trying to anger anyone. But if you honestly think I genuinely told you to fuck right off then please fuck right off

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

@realDonaldTrump Is that a grave yard?

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

Finally it has been made public.i am going to be playing Igor in Mel brooks musical young Frankenstein in the west end.ticket on sale now.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Stop freaking out I have followed the debate carefully from now on every week we each get a hospital

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

Devastating news to hear of the passing of Barry Cryer.He was a legend of his generation and more engaged with the many new generations of writers and comics who followed him than anyone else in the business.Spending time with him was always a great joy.Such a funny and nice man

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

So pleased a comedian has finally won #BGT and a Geordie comic at that.congratulations to @LostVoiceGuy well deserved.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Big decision.I hope she realises she will have to live with that for the rest of her life!

CNN

@CNN

4 years

"All of a sudden, I decided I would like to have one. And if I could, a frog. Because I like frogs." A 103-year-old woman got her first tattoo to cross it off her bucket list.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Wow seems lots of you happy to let the local theatre go and I guess the people who fill local restaurants bars. Taxis etc. I respect that but personally think it’s a shame. Hands up I am officially out of touch.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Right let's start spending the extra cash we have now.We prob already sent 350 million this week but next week we can all get a speed boat

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

With all this uncertainty At least our PM is here to hold the country together.....wait what.....oh fuck

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

I had the vision. Now illegal you can buy them off me 1 euro a box which at the current exchange rate £5000

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Glad I stockpiled the French fancies I am now off down the shops to fill my van with haggis.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 months

@easyJet not looking for compensation. Maybe ask staff to say sorry for the inconvenience it’s all safe .rather than with shrug. it’s just condensation dripping on you.dont lean on the door. Or pull lever. i am not a nervous flyer but that is potentially terrifying for someone who is.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

5 years

Bindi Urwin is engaged! Her boyfriend said she is a keeper. She said fuck you I own the zoo.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 months

@easyJet Are you a chat bot ? You haven’t read my Message. They didn’t! A thing fell on me and then water dripped out. when we have seen news of a plane door coming off maybe show some concern. Apologise even if you don’t mean it. I know it’s a budget business but manners cost nothing.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

I haven't been on a train in ages.I get on today it's full of politicians.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Everyone is so obsessed with drug cheats has anyone checked that the dressage riders aren't using Bernie Clifton style horse costumes

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

2 years

The reboot of It’s a royal knockout had some very different challenges.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Did anyone ask if they thought a balloon with a face drawn on would make a better PM? I would like to know the result of that question.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

@nik_tyler I will take the opinion of the 3500 people in the room laughing over one bloke with 12 followers.come on mate don’t be a prick

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

When my wife asks me to "take out the bins" Must remember she means put them out for collection.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

Just awful news about Sean Hughes.he was very nice to me when I was starting out in comedy.a sad loss.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

9 years

I am very excited about being called up to play rugby for Scotland http://t.co/OJOPXdjIzN

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Take your ear off the glass then take the glass off the wall.

The Mirror

@DailyMirror

4 years

'I can hear my son having sex with his lockdown lover - how do I stop it?'

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

settling in to watch several hours of pointless speculation over the Eu result.Its like a massive episode of deal or no deal just more boxes

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Stephen Crabb is running for Tory leadership.He does have experience as the hand of the King.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 months

Jacob Rees-Mogg in his losing speech just quoted Caractacus Potts “from the ashes of disaster grown the roses of success” it was grandpa Potts who sang that! No wonder he got voted out. I should really go to bed.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

Having a cracking time at @iom_tt today I am riding around with no gps enjoying getting lost. I will eventually hit the coast.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

@mrjamesob Ha ha that will be it. Hope you are well. I would love to hear you talk about the theatre on air. Some people can’t grasp the idea it is a real business we are world leaders in. That it employs real people.The big one is it should fail because actors mocked brexit.🤯

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

I do hope my 2nd place finish at the chacombe 10hr iron man doesn't overshadow the other sports news this week

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

From finish line in South Shields to sound check in Glasgow! On time! mission accomplished. Glasgow one of the best comedy audiences on the planet hoorah

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

No wonder she has so many books out about her life.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

Never mind Boris putting silly promises on the side of a bus. Look what the greens are offering!!!!!!

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Morning all what's happening this fine day. OH!

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

2 years

This is why I love playing Western Australia. Not many theatres where dolphins can swim up to the stage door. I would happily sign their fins but they never have a pen.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

11 years

I must have the reverse of OCD I saw this bit of pavement and it made me happy http://t.co/4ldtZy6sek

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

2 years

This is clearly to distract from him amending the ministerial code so ministers would not always have to resign for breaching it.don’t fall for it don’t discuss it delete this tweet. He has total contempt for the British public.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

I'll be joining @EddieIzzard today at 10:30am GMT to talk about how to #MakeHumanityGreatAgain . Eddie's now running 32 marathons & performing 31 shows in 31 days to raise money for great charities. Tune in, support and donate at

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

If you had to fight Bono using a tree as a weapon. which tree would you use and how would you attack/ defend yourself.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

To be honest I would watch a show of Jeremy vine in his CG studio just fighting CG monsters for 6 hour then announcing the EU result

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

This is a nice touch in the hotel I am staying at. Not enough hotels have mystery tube facilities.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

we don't need to build more homes because we now control immigration.worst case we can live in one of the new hospitals we build each week

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

What a great day at #GreatNorthRun don’t know how wise it is to do a gig night Before half Marathon then head straight off to do another straight after. I am so pumped now. show tonight is going to be high energy. Tomorrow I sleep.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

I am playing the Glasgow kings theatre tonight. The bin shepherds have rounded up the bins into their bin pens. All locked up safe for the night they can head to the show. Never ask a bin Shepard if he hosts tipping point. They don’t find that funny.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

9 years

Loads of cops on the rds round Victoria today.Turns out if your not speeding you can have a go on their bikes.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

11 years

Why can't we combine splash/the jump and dancing of ice and watch celebs diving face first onto a frozen lake? I would watch.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

10 years

Shocked and saddened by the news of Robin Williams passing.A true master of the art of stand up.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

11 years

I can hear so many owls in my garden tonight I have a feeling one of my kids might be going to hogwarts next year.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

6 years

I have dragged my arse into the modern times and joined instagram. I am @ mrrossnoble I haven’t figured out how to use it yet but I have the account.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

I was the studio warm up guy. It was a total joy to work on. Kathy and James both class acts.crew and audience where always super friendly.back then as the warm up it was rare to be treated with warmth and respect. Happy days.cant believe it’s 22years

Jonathan Harvey

@JOJEHARVEY

4 years

We’re on the iPlayer, cats! 22 years later. If you like filthy single entendres and cheap knob gags, look no furthers guy! #gimmegimmegimme

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

10 years

A friend of mine sent me this photo of when I was in slitherin house at Hogwarts http://t.co/dUz43SVO0z

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

Sydney airport. Well done for showing women what they should be interested in.some good titles for them to ask their husbands to buy them.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

My fave headline in years

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

5 years

Here is where I am at with my live shows.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

In Harrogate now does anybody know where I can buy some tweed? Oh hang on its fine.turns out every shop.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

12 years

Bloody typical Thatcher dies when I am in rural Australia. I hate to miss a good street party.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

12 years

Happy to announce birth of my second human child today.one of the girl ones. judging by the look of her my wife had an affair with a walnut

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

From the 18th I will be doing a month of shows in Adelaide and then a month in Melbourne. I cannot express my gratitude enough to the people of Melbourne who endured the harshest lockdown in the world to eradicate the virus.these gigs would have been a dream without that.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

Mel Brooks has reworked young Frankenstein from broadway. He is 90 but has the energy of a teenager a true legend.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

9 years

It's the presentation that really gives a dish that special touch #justeatyourfuckingbreakfast

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

@JasonManford How about darts?

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

Less than twenty six hours. if you have or have had any sort of media profile if you see this man run like fuck!

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

I am not sure how much I am allowed to say but I have written and will be directing and starring in a one off horror for sky this Halloween

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

10 years

Amazing statistic. The new U2 album is the most deleted record in history.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

7 years

I am not saying the Young Frankenstein dance routines are full on.But I am sweating and this bloke didn't last long

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

9 years

I have just carefully folded all my old thin plastic bags and put them in a box in the loft.see you at the 2055 antiques roadshow Suckers!

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

8 years

It's a shame Biggins is out of #CBB .I was looking forward to hearing his views on how bi sexuals control the banks.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

9 years

Breakfast at Dublin airport I ask for brown toast the bloke looks at me like I asked for a warm glass of unicorn tears.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

9 years

If I use "you're" not "your" in a tweet please don't correct it.it saves letters and if you don't know what I mean YOUR'RE a twat.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

Mr @MelBrooks remains my favourite human.

Max Brooks

@maxbrooksauthor

4 years

My father, @MelBrooks , is 94. He has never made a political video. Until now. #MelBrooks4JoeBiden #BidenHarris #GrassrootsDemHQ

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

3 years

Thanks to nurse Jackie (not the one off the telly) for jabbing me up. I was very brave. So far I haven’t heard the voice of bill gates in my head telling me to do stuff.

Ross Noble (@mrrossnoble) • Instagram video

www.instagram.com

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

4 years

It is with deep regret I have had to Postpone the shows tonight and tomorrow in thirroul. as much as the show must go on it is just not responsible to have that many people in one place with covid cases rising in NSW.

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Ross Noble

@realrossnoble

5 years

My daft mate Billy is always joking and constantly taking the piss so when he tweets this. To me it is worth a thousand government statements.