From this day, almost all GrizzcoVP related operations will cease.
I want to thank you for the support I’ve received over the past year through this account, the server and my streams, but I’ll be taking a step back.
More information in the thread! 🧵🐻
Due to rising tensions between Grizzco and the Salmonids, we will be halting all Glowfly breeding operations beginning immediately.
We hope that you understand our situation.
The heavens have no explanation for this one, what the fuck.
At this point I don't think the pay is worth it. I won't even lie to all of you. You can take the sick day.
‼️A NEW KING SALMONID HAS BEEN DISCOVERED‼️
Despite its friendly appearance, Horrorboros is a force to be reckoned with that you will have to adapt to during your time here.
Check out this thread for a few tips & tricks to help ease the fight, even if just a bit! 🧵
We at Grizzco Industries take pride in the diversity within our employees.
During this month, we will be donating the value all Golden Eggs collected this month to LGBTQ+ charities!
That being said, we are closing down this month for office renovations.
See you all next month!🧵
Studies have proven that 4 year olds are more efficient at the job than most Freelancers.
It is for this reason that we have decided to widen the age range for the job!
Please send your children to our HQ in Splatsville to begin their training.
Thank you for your cooperation!
Big Run is imminent!
During the month of December, the Salmonids are predicted to begin invading the Splatlands, beginning with Wahoo World!
We need all hands on deck in order to save it.
Or not. We could just leave it to the Salmonids. Would that be so bad?
Speaking of ocular enhancement, keep your eyes peeled this December for Megalodontia, a new King Salmonid! It's the largest observed—we estimate its bite radius at 1.4 boats wide. Yes, we're using boats as a unit of measurement! Desperate times call for desperate measurements!
Happy Queen Elizabeth Death Day!
More importantly however, tomorrow is Splatoon 3's 1 Year anniversary!
Now that we're a year in, what are your thoughts on the game?
Mr. Grizz has found all seven "Chaos Eggs".
There is no need to panic. Please stop panicking before returning to work.
Mr. Grizz will now go "Super Grizzly".
We thank you for your cooperation.
The Big Run results are in!
The Top 5% is 141 & Up.
The Top 20% is 117 & Up.
The Top 50% is 90 & Up.
Congratulations to everyone who participated.
Please do not harass players who got a higher score than you.
Getting into the Top 5% is and will always be a difficult task.
A Small Fry was caught eating the single wire that our internet runs on.
We apologize if our services are not available to you.
Thank you for your patience.
Company reminder that using your fanbase to harass minors on Twitter is not acceptable behaviour.
Nor is selling a bland plush toy for $50 + shipping.
Rather than supporting Dream, get out there at fetch us some Golden Eggs. Those Big Shots won't splat themselves, you know!
Addendum from Grizzco: To facilitate this goal, we'll place Golden Egg cannons around the stages to help get them to the basket. 700 million is on the high side, but I find there's nothing to drive productivity like a goal. You agree, right? Good.
‼️ WE ARE UNDER FUCKING ATTACK ‼️
The Slaymonids have decided that it's shopping season, and they're taking our mall!
It's time to fight back, get out there!
(We are not responsible for physical or emotional damage caused by whatever the FUCK giant Maws is out there.)
And the results are in.
Congratulations to everyone who participated, how did you all do? I know far too many people who got 136.
Don't feel too bad if you didn't get Gold however, the Salmonids *will* come back.
They always come back.
While this fact is widely known, it is still important to share.
During the countdown before a Wave begins, you can see which tide you will have to work with, as seen in the image below!
Please refrain from entering the Low Tide area too early however, you will die 👍
We are excited to announce that Grizzco will be branching out into the fast food business!
Allow me to introduce Los Hermanos Salmón.
Our Salmon is meticulously spiced to create food that can only be described as a delicacy.
We hope that you all enjoy!
And the results are in!
Top 5% is 156 Golden Eggs & Up
Top 20% is 131 Golden Eggs & Up
Top 50% is 102 Golden Eggs & Up
We hope you all enjoyed, remember not to harass anyone over results, it's all just for fun!
See you all next time.
We have created this helpful diagram in order to show you all how to deflect a Drizzler Torpedo.
It is almost 2024 and some of you "people" still don't know how to do this.
We have eyes everywhere.
Miss another one of these and your pay will be docked accordingly.
With the Splatoon Competitive Community on fire due to Marker Gun, we would like to remind everybody that Grizzco is hiring!
If you ever need a break from PvP, Salmon Run is a great alternative, with just as high of a skill ceiling.
We have no ulterior motive here.
Union organising has been detected amongst the Profreshional +2s.
Please be aware that union organisers will be forced to work mandatory Glowfly shifts.
Thank you for understanding.
As per request from our employees, our field researches have devised a way to kill a Flyfish with ease.
Get this through your skull and you might stand a chance out there.
Good luck. 🐻
For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps, warmth, waiting for you after the smoke clears.
Although for one of you.
The darkest pit of hell has opened to swallow you whole. Don't keep the devil waiting.
Thank you for your contributions!
Day in and day out, it's all complaints about Flyfish.
Fine, fine we'll offer some help.
Here's a few tips on keeping the wretched beasts under control. No need to thank us.
As an example, did you know that you can one-shot a Flyfish in a few different ways?🧵
All employees should take on the strategy of the Last Ditch Effort Bomb Throw.
Throwing a bomb delays the round ending until the bomb explodes, similar to in Turf War and Ranked Modes.
Doing this can save your run! Kudos to Cash Bland for showcasing this.
Management has made me aware that reality is crumbling. Please be careful while working your next shift.
We are not responsible for trauma caused by our shifts.
Just over a week ago, we released a form to gather information on a few statistics regarding the job.
Did you know that Marooner's Bay is even more hated than Spawning Grounds and that the Flipper-Flopper is the most liked boss (why not me)?
Let's take a look at the results! 🧵
We are happy to announce that Grizzco will be mounting a hostile takeover on Twitter.
We will be renaming the platform to "Grizzer" and promoting free speech!
(Any posts slandering our company will be promptly deleted.)
The reward is now given to players who had the Big Run news glitch earlier, however, the reward is based on the old top% system...
Here is the result:
top 5% - 165 eggs
top 20% - 144 eggs
top 50% - 116 eggs
Did you know that the dummies with stickers on them represent bosses and their healths?
The Steelhead dummy is even at the same height a Steelhead's bomb would be at!
Be sure to experiment with different weapons and find out what kills what!
BIG RUN IS HERE!
For the next 48 hours, the Salmonids will be invading Inkblot Art Academy. You will be supplied with the Grizzco Brella.
Failure to fight back the Salmonids will result in being forced to play Garten of BanBan 2.
Good luck.
We at Grizzco Industries would like to announce the discovery of Jammin' Salmon Junction!
Starting June 1st, it will be included in the rotation.
Please refrain from asking what happened to the field team. Their families have received compensation.
Thank you for understanding.
Alongside a bunch of boring changes that no one cares about to PvP and the general competitive scene, 3.0 comes with a few changes to Salmon Run!
Why don't we take a look. 🧵
Hat Checks for Grizzmas!
Have you ever wanted to tear a freelancer into 500 little bits for not using their specials? Well now you have a way to check!
Each Grizzco Capri Sun on your coworkers hats counts as a special, so if you ever see a coworker with one left, tear them apart.
As a celebration for hitting a grand total of 1,000,000,000 Golden Eggs collected, we are hosting a competition!
The first employee to work 10,000 shifts for the company will receive this cool hat.
What a great deal!
Introducing the Grizzco Industries hot take box!
Post all your hottest and spiciest Salmon Run takes in the replies for a video we'll be making.
Example:
Explosher isn't actually that good. It has its niche of killing Flyfish but other than that it's lacking.
The Grizzco Splatana, our first and only melee weapon.
Kill bosses in one slash, ignoring any armor the boss has. (Drizzler's Umbrella & Steelhead's body etc.)
Cooperate with co-workers in order to get close to bosses before slashing them into oblivion!
Now get out there.🐻
The health and safety of our employees is of our upmost priority. It's for this reason that we have installed bathrooms into the workplace!
On another note, the bathrooms are out of order.
We apologise for the inconvenience.