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Darren Walsh Puns Profile
Darren Walsh Puns

@DarrenWalshPuns

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Comedian. Does a lot of puns. (I didn’t make Angry Kid) Enquiries: thegiant at iamagiant dot co dot uk Tix 👇

London
https://t.co/XMIczHPFkg
Joined April 2010
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 months
LONDON: This will be my biggest ever show, don't miss it. Tickets link in comments
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Last Seen Profiles
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
People queueing outside Sports Direct must feel like a huge mug.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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3 years
No one has ever bought a tin of peeled plum tomatoes deliberately. They are designed to look the same as chopped tomatoes in order to trick you
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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8 years
When one pizza shop goes out of business, they all go out of business. It's the Domino Effect #NationalPizzaDay
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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4 years
Q) How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? A) Do your own research.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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7 years
I once did a gig in an Owl Sanctuary. That turned a few heads.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
How to flyer a pun show at #edfringe
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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7 years
Why isn't there there a curry house in London called Hyde Park Korma?
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 months
Michael Gove is trending, so that mean this has to come out again
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 months
Jokes on the street in Brighton - part 5! (better version)
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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6 years
@DaftLimmy
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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6 years
I don't know who made this but I love it
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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2 months
Jokes on the Street in Manchester - Part 1!
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Darren Walsh Puns
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1 year
Brighton, you were wonderful. Jokes on the street - part 1
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8 years
Government announces Budget U-turn. It will now be spelt Bndget.
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5 years
People think driving a bus is easy, but it’s not. In fact, it’s...
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12 years
My ex-girlfriend discovered a secret book of cows under my mattress, which wasn't the main reason we broke up, but it was the cattle list.
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1 year
Possibly my favourite message I’ve received
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4 years
If you want to spell out the dangers of eating German sausages, achtungs speak louder than wursts.
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1 month
Sven Diagram
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2 years
Street Punning Part 3: Flyering at #edfringe
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11 years
Prince Williams heir is falling out
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8 years
Entered a tennis tournament dressed as a parrot. My opponent said "Toucan play at that game"
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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2 years
Exactly 2 years ago that this happened
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2 years
Bloody hate Q Jumpers
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1 year
Jokes On The Street in Edinburgh - Part 9!
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9 years
Went on date with a gym instructor. Didn't work out. #ValentinesDay
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4 years
@mrjamesob Nigel Forage
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4 years
Sofa joke
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3 months
Jokes on the Street in Guildford - Part 2!
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1 year
Complimentary WIFI
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1 year
Jokes on the street - Guildford
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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5 years
@neiltyson I was considering writing a rebuttal to the Drake Equation, but then I decided, it just wasn’t Fermi.
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3 years
Some people saying that the Royal Family should have footed the bill for Prince Philip’s funeral. That’s a cheap dig at his expense.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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2 months
Jokes on the Street in Edinburgh - Part 23! First time I've dedicated an entire clip to one group of legends.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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5 years
I used to work as a Gravedigger, but got promoted to Cremation because I wanted to urn more.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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5 months
Here’s an edit of my appearance on Comic Relief - Jokes in a supermarket!
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6 years
Tom Cruise's ex-girlfriend Penelope, said the staff on her private boat could use it themselves. It was Tom Cruise's Cruz's cruise crew's cruise.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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5 years
I went to an R.E.M. concert once. The cast of Peter Pan were there, so I took this photo. That's Smee in the corner.
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4 years
ME: What's Carl's surname? NASA: Sagan ME: I said, what's Carl's surname?
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
If Prince Harry & Meghan Markle can no longer use the HRH in thier titles, they should be addressed as Pince Ay & Megan Makle
@SkyNewsBreak
Sky News Breaking
@SkyNewsBreak
5 years
Buckingham Palace has released a statement saying the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are to no longer use their HRH titles "as they are no longer working members of the Royal Family" as talks about their future roles concluded
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2 years
I've got Truss tissues
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4 years
This is a sign you’re getting old
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Darren Walsh Puns
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4 years
I was feeling lonely, so I started a small business. It's nice to have a little company.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
3 months
If anyone can put a cabinet together, it’s IKEA Starmer
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4 months
Jokes on the Street in Cambridge - Part 1!
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
6 years
I just ordered a French duck costume. I canardly wait.
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Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
7 years
Did a joke about anal bleaching. Dyed on my arse
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Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
Mogglebox
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4 years
The past tense of “pass tents” is “passed tents”
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Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
This is my favourite kind of road. No two ways about it.
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Darren Walsh Puns
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4 years
Interesting fact: Ariana Grande’s bigger sister is called Ariana Venti.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
11 years
I heard a sneeze from the chimney. I think Santa's coming down with something.
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Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
It's a quarter Tutu.
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2 years
Street Punning Part 5. I could honestly do this every day
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
8 Weetabix in French is Huitabix.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
I just googled my name.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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5 months
Jokes on the Street in Brighton - Part 4! 📷📷
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
8 years
At the Scrabble Championships I got accused of cheating, so I asked one of the judges if he could put in a good word for me.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
My friend and I couldn’t agree who was the better artist, so we drew lots.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
Had a goat curry, was alright. Certainly not as good as I was lead to believe
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
When this is all over we’re going to tie up the bard, roast some wild boar, drink beer and sit round an open fire
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
@DPJHodges There's going to be an ink quest
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
Not sure why #Iceland is trending but might as well post this again
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
Do people listen to Placebo thinking it’s The Cure?
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
1 year
Giant puns the #EdFringe
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
Street-punning at Leicester Comedy Festival
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
My mate wants me to help him steal back his garlic bread and coleslaw from his ex-wife, but I’m not gonna take sides.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
8 years
@shaunwkeaveny this day will be known as Orange Wednesday
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
Not saying Ian Duncan Smith is planning anything Machiavellian, but an anagram of ‘Sir IDS OBE’ is ‘Boris dies’.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 months
Jokes on the Street in Brighton - Part 6!
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
Such a terrible joke, I think I’ll leave it in drafts
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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3 months
Jokes on the Street in Tunbridge Wells - Part 1!
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 months
Jokes on the Street in Buxton - Part 6!
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
I'm just Biden my Thyme...
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
I’m sick of TikTok, I’m launching a new app called TicTac. Hopefully it will be a breath of fresh air.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
3 years
My flatmate broke the brand new surveillance camera I had installed in his bedroom. I don't know how he sleeps at night.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
Street Punning Part 2: Flyering in the rain at #edfringe
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
13 years
I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
3 years
VOICEOVER ARTIST: OK, What would you like me to do? SOUND BOOTH: A Brian Blessed impression please. VOICEOVER ARTIST: Sure, and how are you going to pay me? SOUND BOOTH: Invoice. VOICEOVER ARTIST: [Clears throat] HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PAY ME?
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
5 years
Jaes Bond isn't the same without M.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
So annoying when you're talking for ages on Skype then realise the other person’s frozen.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
@Dadsaysjokes Hi @Dadsaysjokes , you’re selling off thousands of jokes from comedians without permission or credit. This one in particular is actually ripped from my own joke book (published by Random House / Penguin) here:
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5 months
Joke at a business event - Part 2!
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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@DarrenWalshPuns
2 months
@jamesecook I think you can get them on readible
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
2 years
Imagine having plungers for hands, you’d suck at everything
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
Bet he got a standing Oy vey shun
@maggieNYT
Maggie Haberman
@maggieNYT
4 years
Potus pronounces Yosemite as "yo-Semites" at White House event.
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6 years
This bloke asked me if I wanted to swap dogs, but I think he had an old terrier motive.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
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7 years
@IsabelHardman They can't see the wood for the treees
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18 days
Textile Designer
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4 years
I'm not sure I can deal with this
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3 years
How is everyone? I’m not bad, just signed an NDA so can’t complain.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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1 year
Joke on the street (Brighton) - Part 2 (Coder guy makes a brief appearance)
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
Super-Calais’ pessimistic, expats are ferocious.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
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6 years
I just changed my fabric conditioner to Lenor. I'm outside my Comfort zone.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
I went to see a band called 'The Power Tools', but when I tried to get backstage the bouncer said 'guests only'. I said "It's ok, I know the drill".
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
9 years
They sent me to the wrong department, again. This time it's Personnel.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
8 years
@realDonaldTrump I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger what operating system he used. He said “It has to be Vista”
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Darren Walsh Puns
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9 days
Jokes on the Street in Edinburgh - Part 33! Come see me in London next April! Link in bio ⬆️
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
6 years
I’ve just set up a debt collection business. My mate helped me, so I can’t take all the credit.
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@DarrenWalshPuns
Darren Walsh Puns
@DarrenWalshPuns
4 years
If you want to register a company name, your options are Ltd.
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