I get so confused when Americans explain their school system to me it’s like pre-garden, kindergarden, half school, mid school, eagle academy, elementary prep, high school, higher school, eagle prep, college, kinder college
I'm in LA and a woman is complaining about the hotel breakfast not having 'fresh honey'.. did she want them to milk the bee in front of her or something?
my birthday stream with dan raised over $83,000 for the palestine children’s relief fund!! and i now have an eyebrow slit.. thank you all for being such a kind/chaotic audience 💜🎂
My neighbour just had a baby and instead of congratulating her like a normal human I said ‘well done on the baby making’ and then saluted wtf is wrong with me
I thought I was playing Fortnite alone but realised I accidentally chose ‘duo’ when a stranger shouted HELLO through my speakers and I had 6 actual heart attacks
Why am I so weird?? my neighbour started to leave their apartment at the same time as me so to avoid talking to them I tried to quickly dash back in but my door had closed so they just saw me spin around and bash into my own closed door then turn around again 😬
I ordered Mexican food and when the delivery guy knocked on the door I stood up so fast to open it that all the blood left my brain and I almost fainted into his arms. He’d have thought ‘wow this guy must really love burritos’
For a year I’ve been releasing all the bugs I catch in my room into the same bush outside so it’s probably a horrifying insect battle royale in there now 🐞🔪
At breakfast in a hotel this morning I helped a woman rescue her crumpet that was stuck in the toaster and she called me a ‘true hero’. Looks like there is a new avenger in town